Let’s start by defining what cheating really is. Many men feel it could be a ‘grey’ area. This is far from the truth. Robert Weiss the author of ‘In the Doghouse’ defines cheating or any type of infidelity as “breaking the trust that occurs when you keep intimidate, meaningful secrets from the primary partner”. In other words if what you are doing is a secret and you are not telling your partner because you are afraid she would get angry. Well then, you are probably cheating. This is a topic that has been discussed throughout the ages but there are some main underlying reasons why men decide to stray from their partner.
There are many excuses that men make up to justify their behavior, to themselves, and then to their spouses or partners. Often times, even after getting caught they continue this damaging behavior. Are they genetically predisposed? Are men just born to cheat?
Generally when men decide to risk it and actually engage in extramarital affairs or have intimate relationships with other people it is due one or more of the following reasons:
Insecurity: (Men feel that they are too old, too young, to fat or too think, not rich enough or not feeling attractive enough to their partner. This lack of self-esteem drives them to seek validation from another person. They feel that feeling desired by someone else and having a little ego boost is worth the risk.
1.Impulsivity: Some men never even thought that they would be the one cheating. Until, the opportunity represented itself and they went for it. Office romances are common and often grow out because ‘the high; that people get from risking it, blinds them to see the actual consequences.
2.Unrealistic Expectations: Many men have specific ideas in terms of the amount of sex a couple should have. They feel that if their expectations are not met, they have the right to seek sexual pleasure elsewhere.
3.Childhood Trauma: Psychological trauma in childhood such as child abuse, divorce, death etc.. can result in intimacy issues. People with wounds this deep may be scared to connect fully with someone and use cheating as a form to disconnect with that person. They may also use infidelity as a way to soothe their pain. This process may even have an addictive component it.
4.Ending a relationship: Cheating is an easy way out. Some men cheat because they believe their relationship is already over and done with. Other men believe if they get caught, they won’t need to do the heavy lifting of actually having to tell the person they want to break up. This may be because they have trouble expressing themselves or they just believe this will be easier and less mess. Another reason may be that the object of their current affection, is the reason why they are breaking up. Either way, it leaves too much dust in the wind.
5.They are too superficial :Some men feel that they loose attraction to their wife, after children or just with age. If this is the case, then there was probably not much love to begin with. A lot of what was thought to be love, was actually lust.
6.Revenge: In some relationships, the wife might actually be the cheater (this will definitely require a whole other blog to uncover). Or they believe that their wife/partner is having an affair. Men will look to have an affair, in order to get ‘the upper hand’ or not feel ‘like a looser’ because they have been cheated on. Let me say, that two wrongs do not make a right and that cheating is a sign that the relationship needs some work.
Impulsivity: Maturity plays a big role in how much you let your desires control your life. If you or someone you know is someone that leaps before looking and really only tries to fix what has been done. He may not be good husband material. Or it may not be that he is impulsive but doesn’t care.
7.Sex Addiction: This really boils down to self-control. Sex addiction is real and a disease, but it is not an excuse. Diabetes is a disease but with care it can be controlled. If you or your spouse suffers from this type of problem, contact a therapist that can help you not only with the addiction but also help build trust in the relationship.
There are so many reasons why men cheat, these are often times excuses they tell themselves to justify what they did. If you or someone you is thinking about these excuses but really wants to try to work things out in the marriage. Contact a sex therapist that can help you understand what is really going on and how the two of you can work on your relationship, before its too late.