After a year or two it is quite usual for couples to experience a decrease in the amount of sex they have. This is completely normal and something we would call “the end of the honeymoon period”.
This maybe due to an established routine, which often times leads couples to experience less excitement. Or adult responsibilities that maybe were not there before; kids, pets, bills, jobs etc… When the novelty is gone, so is the pull to be on top of each other every moment of the day. This does not mean that sex is gone or that it cannot re-appear again. It may actually mean that you have become closer to each other on both a sexual and a psychological level and that other things have taken priority. Do not fear there are a few things that you can do to spice up your sex life, should you be one of those couples. Why not try it and see…

1) Sometimes you need a little extra to get you in the mood. This can be playing songs that make you happy and getting you in the mood. I am sure there is at least one song that reminds you of the good old days. It could be getting new loungerie or that new belly necklace you always wanted to try. Whatever makes you feel a little naughty and hot. How about adding a couple of candles or red light bulbs to get you in the mood.

2) When you eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day with the same jelly, you will not find it as good as you did when you tried it the first day, correct? So how about changing up your sex? Have you visited your local sex store lately? Add a little vibrator or hot massage oil and start playing around and being silly. Did you ever want to try that vibrating ring that you see in your local pharmacy? Go ahead wrap it up and add a bow and open it together. I assure you the highlight of adding a change to your pattern will make sex different.

3) Start slow. Give yourself time to play and discover each other’s bodies. If you brought a toy, fool around with it before actually using it for what it is for. If you brought a massage oil, give each other a massage and don’t jump to the deed too quickly. Get yourself turned on, and into a sweat before you actually do it.

4) Never underestimate the power of oral sex. Whether you do it or not. Your tongue is a magic wand when it comes to your partner’s body. Our bodies main erogenous zones are the clitoris, vagina, cervix, mouth and lips, neck, breast and nipples, ears, scrotum, penis, and perineum (anus). This list is by no means exhaustive, so explore, everyone is different. If you are the person that says ‘I do not do oral’ that’s ok, use your tongue in every other place of the body instead. Tip: Have you ever woken your partner up with oral sex? If not, try it. It makes the day a whole lot better.

5) Last but not least. Talk about it. Talk about your fantasies, your favorite position, your ideas and anything that has been on your mind in regards to this subject. It is surprising how many couples have been together for so many years and do not bring things up, afraid to scare the other person off. Remember, sex is natural and so are fantasies. The main thing is that both are on board when it comes to fulfilling them. Thinking about a new position? Try it…add pillows or a liberator pillow (sex pillow). Bored of sex in the bedroom, stir it up. When was the last time you had sex in the car? Or in the kitchen? How about sex on the bathroom counter, in the bath or in the shower, balcony or pool? (Just make sure no one is around and that you can’t get caught, although for some that might actually be the exciting part). Some couples may want to add outside stimulation such watching a porn video, going to a strip club, swingers club or just going out on a date. When was the last time you actually went on a real date? Enough said…what are you waiting for… now you have some ideas. Most of all ENJOY.

If you have tried it all and it all failed. Contact a Board Certified Sex Therapist such as Monika Kreinberg and they will help you understand what the missing ingredient is and get you up and having sex again.